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Does that make me Different?I wear make up. Does that make me fake?
I cry. Does that make me emo?
I have male friends. Does that make me slutty?
I smile a lot. Does that make me weird?
I laugh loud. Does that make me preppy?
I have anxiety. Does that make me a freak?
I have Bipolar Disorder. Does that make me abnormal?
I respect people. I change for me, and only me. I have a past, but I know I have a future.
Does that make me different?
But at least it makes me
RelapseIt’s like counting
along your limbs -
remembering a time
‘just one more’
made you feel better.
- & you’re sitting there
Draco, stuck in limbo
always looks like he’s
I can’t feel my toes and at first I think
It’s just my toes.
I can cover them up.
I can warm them.
It spreads, like fire,
I glance away for a second, it seems, and my feet are cold
That’s funny, I didn’t feel that
Maybe I’ll cover them up too
I’ll warm them up.
I’ll take a nap
Maybe a short rest will make it all better, warm them
What’s that? How long has it been?
My legs… are you still mine..
Why has my breath left me, short?
Has everything but deserted me?
What about you, are you still here?
Are you still with me?
And before I can say goodbye, I think my thoughts are leaving me too –
Sleeping Beautyshe’s in love with a character who
never existed but in the labyrinth of her head:
a patchwork composition of beautiful, lengthy words
she’d heard in her catatonic state; coma living
day in and day out, reliant on the salvation
of a man made of foreign wishing
and imperfection and necessity – an ignorance
of the less than ideal perception of self she’d
come to fear, absention stained romantic to the point
where daydreams were a standard for survival
(real living is for the purposeful of heart,
he loves her in her sleep)
We fight for our dream.
We're just waiting to die.
The same emotions
with a different drive.
Sometimes dead, sometimes alive.
The same in one way,
different in another
brother and sister, sister and brother.
So close in feeling,
so different in the end.
Falling apart, or finally on the mend?
Which am I?
Will I ever know?
Fighting to stay or ready to go?
Maybe I'm both,
in some impossible way.
Emotions oddly mixed everyday.
I'm such a freak.
Excuse me, I laugh, I should call it "unique"
the name that cuts like a knife,
it's all that you see inside,
is breaking with every breath I take
the only thing I can't seem to face.
She does not have,
She has many of them.
A million shields,
a million personalities,
She's always changing,
to fit every person around her.
If one were to ask why,
she would answer with,
I will never reveal my weaknesses,
because she's evil.
She hates everyone,
stupider than her is barely tolerable,
smarter than her is too scary,
She hates it all.
She leaves the world behind,
To one she has dreamt of,
she will smile,
because she is truly happy alone.
She is not evil,
She does not hate you,
She is not dishonest,
She simply wants to be alone.
wallflower clippingsthere's scar tissue in her throat,
swollen around the words she never said;
dark rings around her eyes
like planets unremembered, and
a staleness to her touch,
the crystalline Dead Sea.
she's living like a story
that's already been told
"if no one loved you
would you mean anything at all?"
in that moment,
we forget to exist.
We are the King and Queen of Broken DreamsStanding still in a mine field, staring at all we have left.
We were so young, we didn’t stop to think.
Now we’re in a car crash, teetering on the brink.
If you were to leave me now, I don’t know what I’d do.
It was a whirl wind romance,
A light when all was black, a spark of something when all was bleak.
You swept me off my feet and made me feel brand new.
I thought we could live forever and I’m certain you did to.
We built a house without foundations
And now we’re falling down,
Everything’s crumbling around us, time slipping through out fingertips.
People used to walk past us but they were to drunk to see,
That our lives are coming apart around us, there is no light as far as we can see.
There was no fire to start with,
Just two broken things, the world had left behind.
The casualties of other people’s dreams of power, money and control,
Spat out onto the curb to rot away and die.
We never stood a chance or so
lifelinesI fear the sound of sparrows
and the density of leaves
against dew-muffled blades
and I'm drowning
in the sky.
My skin has learned how
to peel itself off
without causing a commotion
in my marrows or
even show the slightest hint
and my heart has learned how
to hush the stars in their wake
and keep it all a secret.
There's a sea in my mouth
and I can't swim.
There are lifelines
cast like these and it will
all end with the same tragedy.
Battle in my MindEat.
Take it easy.
Work out until you pass out.
Get help.Tell someone.
Keep it a secret. It's only for you and me.
Why won't you listen?
They don't understand.
Let me help you.
You don't understand.
I love you..
Falling off the EdgeDo you know what it feels like?
To nearly fall off the edge,
but not quite...
just so that you're dangling;
clinging for your worthless life
lest it fall into the sea of loneliness.
Your callused, pink fingers turning
to a shade of purplish-red of pain
as it does it best to hold on.
In the sea of loneliness,
everything is crisp, translucent.
There is nothing around you,
you are alone...
unlike other people,
you have no one
clamouring to save you;
you have no one
diving in to get you out.
There is no point
screaming for help,
you will only waste
the little time and air you have left.
You only have the darkness
of the sea envelop
of seafoam thronesFrom Atlas’ hands she wept to me,
atop Africas and South Atlantics;
this is one situation unaffected by
ember eyes and windy lashes
(it has no anatomy).
You are sparrows stranded
in tiny crevices and cliffside love,
though you rebuke flight
in the fear of chipping feathers.
So what do you do?
You reach for my soul,
coveting flight with shaking
and perhaps I’ll let you:
With flytrap lips and
glass shaped hips…
you are unfit for anything but
(But beauty isn’t everything)
Her SideTomorrow she'll be gone,
but what can you say?
Nothing can help her.
The pain won't go away.
But she would've stopped,
you could've said no.
That's what she wanted,
someone to say don't go.
That someone wanted her,
or at least would try.
That someone would grieve
if she were to die.
But you just stared,
nodding your head,
and she realized the truth
with a feeling of dread.
No one wanted her.
No one cared.
Not even you,
with the the love you shared.
So she said good-bye,
and you watched her leave.
She may have had the rope,
but now you can't breathe.
ApathyAffection is a disease
It blinds the eyes and plugs the ears
It's a clear vision, of nothing but emptiness
Tying the tongue!
Dyes it with value!
Coats it with worthless words of silver and red
It is nothing but a trick
A slide of hand under a skin-tight shirt
And that's all it take
To make somebody fall in love
To heartless abandon the dreams that you once had
Fall into bed! Into pleasure!
Into the skin of a stranger
And I have been called sick
And sadistic and vain
But you are all so blind
That you are living a lie
You can't see the delirium when it leaks from your lips
And the poisons so purple dripping across
VivianI wish we could start over
Sitting outside on that bench
With sickened clouds above us, that day we met
And I spent the next three years by your side
Then I let tragedy strike
And hope fell into pieces between our feet
I'm so sorry, for being so selfish
And never calling you back, or responding
These past weeks your name has been bleached into my skin
And I want to get down on my knees and pray that you haven't left us yet
Please, Vivvy I'm begging you
To hold out one more night
The moment I see daylight I'm coming for you
I promise you
I've missed you so much
Are the words that rush from my mouth
I PromisedSuch a violent blue
Fluttering against pale skin
Have I ever seen the sunlight?
How many weeks since I've seen your face?
Dragging the lead of a pencil across my skin
It lights with adrenaline
And my skin begins to burn for just a minor bite
An ity-bity drop
An old friend stops by to visit
Seduces me with silver
Licks away the pain
The blood rolling down my wrists
Pooling my my palms
Dripping down my calves
How glorious-! The punishment for being so stupid
How haunts me, and I dream of it
The sick victory
Of ripping my skin open wide
I need it
I miss it
TerriblyI miss you terribly
We've barely ever spoken a word but I have known you forever
And in three days my heart has cried out for you
I've dreamed of your smile
For no reason at all
And my head has been spinning endlessly
Since even before my fall
And it has been weeks since you have even looked at me
But I have loved you endlessly
And I will miss you terribly
Even when my absence is unnoticed
I'll wonder how you are
When I find the courage
I'll ask you
If you missed me
If you will answer, 'terribly'
Violin MasterThe handle of the violin is worn and weathered, the strings are dusty and the auburn polish has been whitened from years of use. It has been sitting in its case since his long ago childhood.
But when he finds it at the back of the closet he doesn't hesitate to take his old friend into his arms, and pluck once at the strings with his lithe fingers. They fit to the grooves of the instrument like puzzle pieces, built to be placed in the hollows between the strings, were his eight year old fingerprints have remained for thirty long and empty years.
The bow is still intact, miraculously. Without question he sets it to the strings, and closes h
Figure It OutI've figured it out
Why when I think of you I break down
Because everyday I plunge deeper into this blackness
And I can't see the truth
As horrible as that sounds
But I don't know
If your just what you seem
A liar and deciever
Or if the way you look at me means something
But the reason I'm sobbing is simple
I think I'm falling in love with you
Slowly, but steadily
And I can't make it stop
No matter how bad I want to
It would be better for everyone if I was gone
And I didn't stumble over my own feet around you
I'm crying because I know I'll get hurt
But I'm powerless to stop myself from wanting you
Keep in Touch!
`anmari has been spreading her infectious positivity throughout our community for over 6 years. Throughout this time Ana has been at the core of all things devious, passionately developing an eclectic gallery, helping organise devmeets, participating in chat events and also recently completed dedicating her time as a Community Volunteer. We are absolutely delighted to bestow the Deviousness Award for May 2013 to `anmari, congratulations! Read More