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How Much?I thought I'd finally caught a break
Maybe after all this pain I've found solitude
But the whole time you were looking at me, you pictured her
Everytime you found your way back to me it meant nothing
That look when you see me, was only because I reminded you of her
But how can you deny that?
The glint in your eyes and the way you let me touch you
This connection I feel to you even now
Do I mean something to you? Or was I just naive?
I still love you.
But I hate myself.
Because I love you.
She Will Never Know...Its ok
I won't say anything
She doesn't have to know
We are alone in this classroom
I may never see you again-make this count
A small secret, between lips teeth and tongue
Breathless, you cool mouth touching mine
Promises don't know
That secrets mean nothing
If you kiss me, I promise she will never know
And when you pull away and still want her-I will completely understand
But when you take a breath and all you want is more
I will be here
Waiting in this empty classroom
Keeping our secret safe
Hold me close
And I promise
She will never know.
Over and OverI didn't cut today
Because when I was angry I thought of you
Of how when you dominated my thoughts
You appeared in front of me
The sudden light in your eyes
I haven't seen it for so long
And how it took my breath away
I try to remember the shaking of my hands
My swimming vision
So captivated by the motion of your mouth
Hypnotized by the warm crescendo of your voice
Drowning in the heat of your gaze
When I wonder about my self-control
Wondering why I didn't kiss you
And promise you that she could never love you
Not as much as me
I don't understand anything, really
Why I continue this
Over and over
Again and again
Why I continue to fall for you
Why I was shaking when you spoke to me
Because in that moment, I realized
I was falling in love again
LiquorKisses twinged with liquor
My imagination? Or a reality
I'm drunk. Shit-faced. Plastered.
All I wanted was you. Was that so hard?
I just needed to lose myself for one night.
Spinning, going down. Throat burning. Eyes drowning.
Does this brokenness ever stop?
Am I ever going to find someone?
I know I'm young, but I've never needed someone more than I wanted him.
So keep them coming. Bottle after bottle.
Whiskey. Vodka. Rum.
I don't care, just make sure I can't feel anything.
Nothing. Especially him.
His kisses on my mouth, my neck and the back of my hands.
And my sobbing, scared to death.
What scared me was how hard I fell. Even when I knew nothing would work.
That I'm not loveable enough. Not good enough.
But I can't stop loving you, I know this is the end of me. The tail end. My last shot in the dark, my only hope.
It fell through the cracks and I can't get it back.
So lets get me as far gone as possible, so I can forget.
SkyYour eyes are like a sky
The deepest, richest blue
Cloudless, perfect, a void of escape
Not a sea taht I could drown in
Resting my head on the crook of your neck
Breathing in clean air
Instead of a plague you are a cure
The sweetest antidote
This is a dream
Its unnatural-the way you make me feel
Is this a fantasy?
Or is it about to become my reality?
Rid me of every scar
Suck the night-old whiskey away from all my black and blue
Touch me until I don't feel worthless
All these broken ribs
The fluttering lids of both black eyes
Pray away every awful thing I've done
And lick the salt away from broken skin
The exit wounds of bullets
The little lines of knife bites
Just love me until I'm mad
And kiss me until I'm whole again
Someone Like YouI can't stay away from you
We can't fight this
There' something more...just under your skin
The traces of your fingertips across my shoulders
My neck, my mouth
A thumb pushing away the saltwater on my cheeks
Your mouth turned down in frustration, and telling me you don't understand
But you don't say a word
You see the scratches on my arms
And you do speak now, and you ask me why I would do this
You pull the words out of me with no effort
My heartbroken story
How he left me
The first time I tried to end myself
The day I met you
The second time I tried
How you saved me
You manage to glue this broken girl together
Just a brush of your hands unravels her
You don't care
Because you love me
what if?what if you were here?
your hair equally windblown
me sitting on your lap
what if we were still together?
if this necklace around my neck was from you?
the three words
what if you were sitting next to me
if my head was in your lap
if you never left
but had to leave the next day
i could kiss you goodbye
the hardest part is knowing
seeing you here next to me
hearing your breath in my ear
that you would be kissing me goodbye
if i had spoken up...
overwhelmedi cant stand it anymore
im so sick of being tough
i need the escape of the slice on my arm
i promised i would stop
i told myself not to give in
so i refuse the blade again
the times between being tempted are getting shorter and shorter
crying now, balled up tight on the floor of my kitchen
resting on my heels with nothing to lean on this time
i imagine you in front of me on your hands and knees
if i close my eyes and try to focus i feel your soft hands on my face
eyes stare and wont look away
brown into blue
your thumbs are pushing away the tears that won't seem to stop coming
you pull my face towards you and kiss my forehead
'your so strong...keep going, ok? i love you emma. i'm here for you. i'm right here.'
i start crying harder and harder as the image begins to fade
your not there
i don't know if you ever will be again...
i have no more hope left anymore
there isn't anything left for me here
i can't see what is ahead.
they say God won't give me more than i can take
than why am i he
HeartbrokenI loved, I cared, I gave you all that I could,
My misfortune; I couldn't be all that you wanted.
I hoped, I wished, and I thought you understood,
My misfortune; my heart felt taunted.
I wondered, I asked, and I prayed for your own good.
My misfortune; I felt so unwanted,
I pleaded, I begged, all to share thoughts I could,
My misfortune; I neglected the hurt you had planted.
I was stupid, I was blind, I was unable to read your mind,
My misfortune; I still messaged you.
I learnt my lesson, I felt the world, I now think I know it,
Dont worry, you shall never feel so lacerated.
I promise, I swear, I shall never speak to you again,
For I deserved it all to have fallen for you.
I was silly, I was weird, and I was dumb to think --
How could I been the one you cherished?
But may you answer if you could -- how could someone be so indecisively cruel?
A cold-heart with its own blood, uncaring with bleeding hearts
I question if you care truly for my well being,
Or if it is just an illusion to fill
you made me sad...Just one more second...
Just one more word...
That's all i wish to have.
You left so suddenly,
and i found out after it was too late.
I wish you you were back here;
working by my side
i wish i could smile and look back into your eyes.
Did you realize i like you as much as i did?
Heck, i even told you.
That took courage...
i remember shaking because i was so nervous.
I told you i liked you- you were the first and only.
You shut me down;
(and thats why i don't let others not how i feel;
because i fear they will turn me down too.)
I remember crying (sad isn't it?)
I remember feeling worthless and unloved...
i guess I'm easy to upset,
I'm easily depressed...
Only a few people know and remember,
Only a few friends i cried to...
those friends i trusted
and those friends helped me regain some of my courage.
It's funny how one person can make such a big difference.
I'm still where you left me,
i still work were i did,
I still hope you come back...
But i also pray that you just stay away!
MelodyInside of us is a melody,
it's inside the hearts of you and me.
Although sometimes it's quiet and tender,
our melody is a soft, friendly reminder.
The sound inside of everyone,
will be a bind that can't be undone.
It's a note that connects with each other,
its a mark of acceptance towards one another.
We will all be heard eventually,
sometimes it's you, and sometimes it's me.
The melody inside of our body, our hearts,
is what keeps us from staying apart.
It is the sound of our sadness and fear,
but it's also the sound of the smiles you smile here.
It is the words that stay unspoken,
it is the reason some hearts are broken.
But if you listen, just listen closely,
I'm sure you can hear your melody.
Hear the thoughts that you think inside,
hear the feelings that you want to hide.
Understand yourself just a little be more,
open up that heavy closed door.
Our melody plays steady and neat,
it's a beauty that no one can beat.
Our melody is a song for ourselves,
it reminds us of our good healt
The Paths We WalkAfter all I've seen,
I don't know who I am
or where I've been
Nor the distance in between,
All I know is today
and what tomorrow may bring.
For I am a wanderer,
For I am a broken soul,
A broken soul
Who walks down this path alone
Finding piece by piece
My own redemption.
HurricaneI don't really know
How all of this came to be
When I already know
She can do better than me
I feel like she's the desert
And whenever I hold her hand
I realize that makes me
Nothing more than a grain of sand
I can't help but ask myself
How is it that she's with me?
I'm just a mess when I'm alone
And I'm fucking up constantly
In every way, shape, and form
Like the calm of the night
Or like the eye of a storm
(And if that storm were to break...)
I always have the thought
That if people were rain
l would be just a drop
And she'd be the hurricane...
My Worst Enemy.She's staring me down.
I can't look away.
Her eyes are cold, criticizing.
I shrink under her gaze.
My heart races faster by the second,
Yet she never notices.
Her eyes trail over every inch of my body,
Analyzing every little detail.
I shiver, seeing the look of disgust on her face.
She looks into my eyes again,
and I struggle to breathe.
"You're disgusting," she says, her voice like acid.
"You don't deserve to live."
I can't fight her."You look horrible. You're not even human anymore."
I nodded again, holding back tears.
She smirked, laughing humourlessly.
"Go ahead- cry. I don't care. I'm concerned about your appearance, not your mental and emotional state."
I choked back a sob, trying not to succumb to her words.
"...You're pathetic. A waste of space. An annoyance that no one wants to live with."
A single tear rolled down my cheek silently,
And then another,
Until I was crying my eyes out,
My body shaking with each loud sob th
Alone in the DarkI'm sitting here
Waiting for someone
To call me home
I want them to notice
That I am not there
I need to know
That somebody cares
Out here in the dark
I'm in need of a friend
Someone that will be
With me till the end
My body is shivering
My fingers are numb
All I want is
For someone to come
I need to feel loved
My heart hurts right now
I need someone
To help me somehow
Life is so lonely
When friends seem so few
I want to be happy
But I don't know how to
I've been depressed for so long
And lonely and scared
To be anything else
I'm still unprepared
So please help me out
Dear friend of mine
If you don't help me now
We'll run out of time.
When I think of youI'll send you a message
from within my heart
I'll send you a message
whispering it in the dark
I'll send you a message
every time we're apart
I'll send you a message
stating some truth
I'll send you a message
with a bit of proof
I'll send you a message
when I need you near
I'll send you a message
when I'm in fear
It'll read as follows;
Baby I love you
baby I'm here
Baby with you
I'm never in fear
And at the end I'll add;
I can't do this
you make me feel stupid
I loved you, it's true
but I get sick now
when I think of you
HerI want to hate her
She took you from me
My only, the person who mattered most to me
Snatched out of my life
I want to rip her to shreds
Drain the life from her like you stole the life from me
Write our initials in her blood
Laugh when I watch your heart shatter, like you did to me
Cruel, sick son of a bitch
But I know that she makes you happy
That she'll always come first
And she paints a smile on your face
I'm a liar.
You've never seemed more in pain that you have since I found out.
Knowing you didn't take a risk on me, but not knowing why.
Loving me more and more, but bound to her
I want to hate her
I really, really do.
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scheinbar is a much-loved and well-known deviant. Just one look at her gallery, filled with enchanting photography, will have you mesmerized. A deviant for over 7 years, Christiane can always be found posting inspirational features as well as regularly commenting on other deviations and encouraging and empowering her fellow deviants. We are inspired and insist that you too stop by and congratulate ... Read More