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She Will Never Know...Its ok
I won't say anything
She doesn't have to know
We are alone in this classroom
I may never see you again-make this count
A small secret, between lips teeth and tongue
Breathless, you cool mouth touching mine
Promises don't know
That secrets mean nothing
If you kiss me, I promise she will never know
And when you pull away and still want her-I will completely understand
But when you take a breath and all you want is more
I will be here
Waiting in this empty classroom
Keeping our secret safe
Hold me close
And I promise
She will never know.
These CutsThese scars are for how hard I fell
These cuts are for every time I wanted to kiss him
These nicks are for every time I felt like calling
I cut because Matthew's not here to tell me stop
I'm destroying myself because Logan isn't around, like I'd dreamt he would be
I think the reason is to keep everyone away
You can't hold someone's hand while they're clutching a knife
You won't kiss someone who's chewed through their lip in frustration
Nobody wants to buy something
That is already broken
Someone Like YouI can't stay away from you
We can't fight this
There' something more...just under your skin
The traces of your fingertips across my shoulders
My neck, my mouth
A thumb pushing away the saltwater on my cheeks
Your mouth turned down in frustration, and telling me you don't understand
But you don't say a word
You see the scratches on my arms
And you do speak now, and you ask me why I would do this
You pull the words out of me with no effort
My heartbroken story
How he left me
The first time I tried to end myself
The day I met you
The second time I tried
How you saved me
You manage to glue this broken girl together
Just a brush of your hands unravels her
You don't care
Because you love me
Escape. Cancer. Addiction.Alchoholism. My escape.
Cutting. My addiction.
Depression. My cancer.
Self-mutilation. Drinking. Mental illness.
My worst enemies, my dearest friends.
Who started what?
Does the sickness start the addiction to the medication?
Or does my addiction become a disease?
Is my escape the problem? Or is it the side effect of addiction? A symptom?
This doesn't begin to illustrate my confusion.
I'm so sick.
Because this is all my fault.
Love is a disease. Its a silent killer. An anthrax.
Sweet, beautiful poison. Found on his lips.
My face is white-I'm dying.
Too sick to move.
I don't want to. I'd rather just lay here...
LiquorKisses twinged with liquor
My imagination? Or a reality
I'm drunk. Shit-faced. Plastered.
All I wanted was you. Was that so hard?
I just needed to lose myself for one night.
Spinning, going down. Throat burning. Eyes drowning.
Does this brokenness ever stop?
Am I ever going to find someone?
I know I'm young, but I've never needed someone more than I wanted him.
So keep them coming. Bottle after bottle.
Whiskey. Vodka. Rum.
I don't care, just make sure I can't feel anything.
Nothing. Especially him.
His kisses on my mouth, my neck and the back of my hands.
And my sobbing, scared to death.
What scared me was how hard I fell. Even when I knew nothing would work.
That I'm not loveable enough. Not good enough.
But I can't stop loving you, I know this is the end of me. The tail end. My last shot in the dark, my only hope.
It fell through the cracks and I can't get it back.
So lets get me as far gone as possible, so I can forget.
SkyYour eyes are like a sky
The deepest, richest blue
Cloudless, perfect, a void of escape
Not a sea taht I could drown in
Resting my head on the crook of your neck
Breathing in clean air
Instead of a plague you are a cure
The sweetest antidote
This is a dream
Its unnatural-the way you make me feel
Is this a fantasy?
Or is it about to become my reality?
HerI want to hate her
She took you from me
My only, the person who mattered most to me
Snatched out of my life
I want to rip her to shreds
Drain the life from her like you stole the life from me
Write our initials in her blood
Laugh when I watch your heart shatter, like you did to me
Cruel, sick son of a bitch
But I know that she makes you happy
That she'll always come first
And she paints a smile on your face
I'm a liar.
You've never seemed more in pain that you have since I found out.
Knowing you didn't take a risk on me, but not knowing why.
Loving me more and more, but bound to her
I want to hate her
I really, really do.
HateBut I hate myself
I hate my fucking pride
And how much I speak out
I wish I could stop living
And just fall into your arms
Listen to your kind voice
Singing me to sleep
And your touch on my face
I wish I wasn't so stupid
That I have come to love you
I wish I could just leave
Because I have nothing left to say
I love you more than anything
But I don't even care
I just hate myself
They pound inside my skull
They hurt, the things he says
I know better but I don't want to
But when I close my eyes to sleep they flash
Etch into my skin
Burn across my eyes
I've pleaded to hear so desperately
Drops of liquor
From the wrong tongue, with a kiss that burns like salt
HeartbrokenI loved, I cared, I gave you all that I could,
My misfortune; I couldn't be all that you wanted.
I hoped, I wished, and I thought you understood,
My misfortune; my heart felt taunted.
I wondered, I asked, and I prayed for your own good.
My misfortune; I felt so unwanted,
I pleaded, I begged, all to share thoughts I could,
My misfortune; I neglected the hurt you had planted.
I was stupid, I was blind, I was unable to read your mind,
My misfortune; I still messaged you.
I learnt my lesson, I felt the world, I now think I know it,
Dont worry, you shall never feel so lacerated.
I promise, I swear, I shall never speak to you again,
For I deserved it all to have fallen for you.
I was silly, I was weird, and I was dumb to think --
How could I been the one you cherished?
But may you answer if you could -- how could someone be so indecisively cruel?
A cold-heart with its own blood, uncaring with bleeding hearts
I question if you care truly for my well being,
Or if it is just an illusion to fill
No One's GirlNo one mourns
The girl who could not mourn.
No one loves
The girl who could not love.
They can only watch her
Walk in her barren wasteland
Just like she watches herself.
An outside observer,
Watching in though a looking glass
On her own life.
Walk amoung the dead,
The ones who have sleep for three million years.
No one pities
The girl who could not pity.
No one can dream for
The girl who only dreams
you made me sad...Just one more second...
Just one more word...
That's all i wish to have.
You left so suddenly,
and i found out after it was too late.
I wish you you were back here;
working by my side
i wish i could smile and look back into your eyes.
Did you realize i like you as much as i did?
Heck, i even told you.
That took courage...
i remember shaking because i was so nervous.
I told you i liked you- you were the first and only.
You shut me down;
(and thats why i don't let others not how i feel;
because i fear they will turn me down too.)
I remember crying (sad isn't it?)
I remember feeling worthless and unloved...
i guess I'm easy to upset,
I'm easily depressed...
Only a few people know and remember,
Only a few friends i cried to...
those friends i trusted
and those friends helped me regain some of my courage.
It's funny how one person can make such a big difference.
I'm still where you left me,
i still work were i did,
I still hope you come back...
But i also pray that you just stay away!
MelodyInside of us is a melody,
it's inside the hearts of you and me.
Although sometimes it's quiet and tender,
our melody is a soft, friendly reminder.
The sound inside of everyone,
will be a bind that can't be undone.
It's a note that connects with each other,
its a mark of acceptance towards one another.
We will all be heard eventually,
sometimes it's you, and sometimes it's me.
The melody inside of our body, our hearts,
is what keeps us from staying apart.
It is the sound of our sadness and fear,
but it's also the sound of the smiles you smile here.
It is the words that stay unspoken,
it is the reason some hearts are broken.
But if you listen, just listen closely,
I'm sure you can hear your melody.
Hear the thoughts that you think inside,
hear the feelings that you want to hide.
Understand yourself just a little be more,
open up that heavy closed door.
Our melody plays steady and neat,
it's a beauty that no one can beat.
Our melody is a song for ourselves,
it reminds us of our good healt
You Are Now GonePerhaps you were my oxygen
As without you I cannot breathe
Stars reminded me of your eyes
My love, why did you have to leave?
So out of the blue you left me
In to black my fragile heart broke
A thousand lost words were exchanged
Yet not one single word was spoke
I'm focusing on my time piece
I've given you peace for some time
Though love is clearly black and white
Friendship is harder to define
It's the shades of grey that haunt me
Those seeds of love we didn't sow
The memories we never made
Our bloom that has refused to grow
The pressure I feel without you
This volcano shall soon erupt
But I will implode silently
This was no ordinary love
You were my best friend; a tonic
An antidote to all that was wrong
You said you would never leave me
Your silence says you are now gone
A Sweet Kiss DarlingA sweet kiss darling, that's all I need
A warm hug and your comforting words
A hard punch darling, that's all I need
A beating and the screaming makes my day
A dark corner darling, that's all I need
A place to hide away and be free
A sweet kiss darling, that's all I need
A word of sorrow and your cries for forgiveness
HurricaneI don't really know
How all of this came to be
When I already know
She can do better than me
I feel like she's the desert
And whenever I hold her hand
I realize that makes me
Nothing more than a grain of sand
I can't help but ask myself
How is it that she's with me?
I'm just a mess when I'm alone
And I'm fucking up constantly
In every way, shape, and form
Like the calm of the night
Or like the eye of a storm
(And if that storm were to break...)
I always have the thought
That if people were rain
l would be just a drop
And she'd be the hurricane...
My Worst Enemy.She's staring me down.
I can't look away.
Her eyes are cold, criticizing.
I shrink under her gaze.
My heart races faster by the second,
Yet she never notices.
Her eyes trail over every inch of my body,
Analyzing every little detail.
I shiver, seeing the look of disgust on her face.
She looks into my eyes again,
and I struggle to breathe.
"You're disgusting," she says, her voice like acid.
"You don't deserve to live."
I can't fight her."You look horrible. You're not even human anymore."
I nodded again, holding back tears.
She smirked, laughing humourlessly.
"Go ahead- cry. I don't care. I'm concerned about your appearance, not your mental and emotional state."
I choked back a sob, trying not to succumb to her words.
"...You're pathetic. A waste of space. An annoyance that no one wants to live with."
A single tear rolled down my cheek silently,
And then another,
Until I was crying my eyes out,
My body shaking with each loud sob th
To Fall In LoveTo fall in love
Falling an uncontrollable force
Falling in to the unknown
Falling in to a trap.
Is falling a choice
Or must you allow yourself to fall.
Despite the consequences,
Internal and external scars.
We fall in hope someone will catch us.
Protect us from the concrete jungle that is life.
There is no guarantee you will be caught forever.
We only hope for this outcome,
Falling with your eyes closed;
To block out reality
To block out the fear;
To block out the truth.
Fall with one eye open
With a parachute,
Equipped with full body armour.
Is the risk really worth it?
All good things come to an end
So why begin the journey?
Falling in to a certified trap where
The only guarantee is pain.
Love is a transitory state.
How Much?I thought I'd finally caught a break
Maybe after all this pain I've found solitude
But the whole time you were looking at me, you pictured her
Everytime you found your way back to me it meant nothing
That look when you see me, was only because I reminded you of her
But how can you deny that?
The glint in your eyes and the way you let me touch you
This connection I feel to you even now
Do I mean something to you? Or was I just naive?
I still love you.
But I hate myself.
Because I love you.
A Bloody, Stupid Miracle The day we’d cured the human condition was the day I put a bullet through my head and didn’t die. It was also the day I realized how scared I actually was of death, and after hours of muscle ache from holding that gauze against my open skull, after the wound closed and everything went back to normal, I had myself a good old-fashioned brainstorm. How ironic.
But when summer came, everything had fallen to shit. The air scorched my skin and parched my tongue every time I took a breath. The sun glared down on a rapidly-collapsing world, full of the undying bastard children of cruelty and misfortune. What was one to do when their cells regenerated faster than they decomposed?
My feet hit the pavement, now littered with jagged bits of glass to snap at my toes, thoroughly baked by the blazing ball of bitter disdain high overhead. Today was worse than yesterday. Though I’d often wondered the purpose of it anymore, I
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