Over and Over

I didn't cut today
Because when I was angry I thought of you
Of how when you dominated my thoughts
You appeared in front of me
The sudden light in your eyes
I haven't seen it for so long
And how it took my breath away
I try to remember the shaking of my hands
My swimming vision
So captivated by the motion of your mouth
Hypnotized by the warm crescendo of your voice
Drowning in the heat of your gaze
I smile
When I wonder about my self-control
Wondering why I didn't kiss you
And promise you that she could never love you
Not as much as me
I don't understand anything, really
Why I continue this
Over and over
Again and again
Why I continue to fall for you
Why I was shaking when you spoke to me
Horrified
Mystified
Because in that moment, I realized
I was falling in love again