[x]

How Much?I thought I'd finally caught a break
Maybe after all this pain I've found solitude
But the whole time you were looking at me, you pictured her
Everytime you found your way back to me it meant nothing
That look when you see me, was only because I reminded you of her
But how can you deny that?
The glint in your eyes and the way you let me touch you
This connection I feel to you even now
Do I mean something to you? Or was I just naive?
I still love you.
So much.
But I hate myself.
Because I love you.
So much...

She Will Never Know...Its ok
I won't say anything
She doesn't have to know
We are alone in this classroom
I may never see you again-make this count
A small secret, between lips teeth and tongue
Breathless, you cool mouth touching mine
Promises don't know
That secrets mean nothing
If you kiss me, I promise she will never know
And when you pull away and still want her-I will completely understand
But when you take a breath and all you want is more
I will be here
Waiting in this empty classroom
Keeping our secret safe
Hold me close
And I promise
She will never know. :heart:

ForeverCan we make this forever?
Curled up on the cement with you
Watching your eyes-blue, the most wonderful color I've ever seen-blink away the sunlight
Listen to your stories
Tumbling off your tongue
My ears are eager to listen to your speech
Its the only thing that I hear, and your eyes on me are the only thing I can feel
Can we just stay here forever?
I promise I won't tell anyone our secrets
But can I just lay in the grass with you 'til night falls?
Then with a kiss, I'll leave you, and I'll count the hours, the minutes, the seconds until I'm near you again
I swear, I'll hold you up
Pick you off the dust covered path when

LiquorKisses twinged with liquor
My imagination? Or a reality
I'm drunk. Shit-faced. Plastered.
All I wanted was you. Was that so hard?
I just needed to lose myself for one night.
Spinning, going down. Throat burning. Eyes drowning.
Does this brokenness ever stop?
Am I ever going to find someone?
I know I'm young, but I've never needed someone more than I wanted him.
So keep them coming. Bottle after bottle.
Whiskey. Vodka. Rum.
I don't care, just make sure I can't feel anything.
Nothing. Especially him.
His kisses on my mouth, my neck and the back of my hands.
And my sobbing, scared to death.
What scared me was how ha

Strike A MatchSquatting down in the gravel
Lighting the fire
Setting your face aflame
Finally severing what's left of you from me
I'm so sorry
But I can't do this anymore
I can't keep this up

I've found someone who'll take care of me
(I think)
And even if I'm wrong its worth the risk

I'm tired of waiting up for you
Convincing everyone you'll come back.

I'm leaving you behind
I've done all I can do

Just remember
Even in a year
When I'm still wrapped up in his arms
And madly in love
And I've given him all of me...

I will always remember you.

BecauseI don't know why I hurt so much
It's not like you walked out
Because you never walked in
And that's what hurts the most
Was it because she's prettier than me?
Skinnier?
Quieter?
Not loud, strange like me?
Maybe you just like the way she looks next to you
Or the flush in her cheeks, on her flawless skin
She's danity, and cute.
Shes also weak. And breakable.

It's because she's not covered in scars. Isn't it?
Because when she wakes up in the morning she's not thinking about a couple shots?
Wondering if she'll be clever enough to hide the cuts another day
Does that make her better? That she was no baggage?
She's scarless?

B

Escape. Cancer. Addiction.Alchoholism. My escape.
Cutting. My addiction.
Depression. My cancer.
Self-mutilation. Drinking. Mental illness.
My worst enemies, my dearest friends.
Who started what?
Does the sickness start the addiction to the medication?
Or does my addiction become a disease?
Is my escape the problem? Or is it the side effect of addiction? A symptom?
This doesn't begin to illustrate my confusion.
My anger.
My pain.
I'm so sick.
Because this is all my fault.
Love is a disease. Its a silent killer. An anthrax.
Sweet, beautiful poison. Found on his lips.
My face is white-I'm dying.
Too sick to move.
I don't want to. I'd rath

My WarriorThis is the best feeling in the world
Bare skin, curled under the blankets next to your sleeping frame
Your hair is still damp, behind your eyes you're smiling
I can see the muscles rippling under your flushed skin as your roll over onto your back
Deep breathing, most peaceful sleep you could wish for
Only because I'm with you
Shielding myself with the quilt
I want to reach out, to touch you
But you look so fragile, so thin and sculpted you might break
A marble statue of a warrior
Protecting me from these demons that plague me
Your eyes are so blue, and deep that I'm scared someone else will want you as bad as I do
Because
You're

Ever AgainI need you
When everyone else turned on me you never did
You'd just shut up and hold me close
You wouldn't let them get me
You were all I ever had
Everyone keeps moving on with out me
Not caring if I stumble in the dust
But every time you'd kneel down and help me to my feet
Even when I was so horrible to you
When I treated you like I did to keep you away
So you would never hurt me like you did today
The mockery and the playful swats were an effort to keep you at bay
To never let you in
Because I'd seen what your kind has done to people like me
Used them, abused them
Chewed them up and spit them out
And I didn't w

All You Are Is MistShut up.
None of you are there
You promised.
You promised me you would never leave
I trusted you and you abandoned me
You left me like the worthless wretch I am
There is nothing left. Do you hear me?! Nothing!
You aren't there! None of you are there!
So just shut up.
And I'll cut
And cut
Under I can see that blood...
Like honey, a drug
Relief so hypnotic I stagger
The only cure...
You...my precious lover..
You are gone
All you are is mist.

AliveI want to speak, cry for help, but I don't say a word.
I want you to hear me, so I cover your ears.
I want someone like you to see me, so I blindfold you.
You make me feel like I'm not worthless.
I'm not neglected or alone anymore.
You're the only thing that makes me feel alive again.
You make me feel like I'm worth the trouble, I'm an even trade for the pain, and all the heartache I put you through.
How hard is it just to lean down, whisper in my ear those four worthless words:
"You are worth it."
How hard is it? Just to hold my hand and tell me that things are going to be alright?
That this isn't as fucked up as

All We Are Not...All I am is numbers
I am not expected to breathe of feel
Only think, and work
To my parent's, I am nothing but a GPA
Head down, under the table clutching a pen
Fighting every instinct telling me to do it
Dig in as deep as I can
Struggle and try to end it
The only question they ask isn't about me
I don't even think they care
Don't believe me, because I'm too perfect to want to die
Too pretty
Too smart
But it doesn't matter
To them, its never enough.

All For HimDon't you understand?
I don't cut for him
I want to stop because of him
I want to be someone he could be proud of
He makes me want to be better than I am
He is my muse,
He is my entire world
And he can barely remember my name
I am just another face in his crowd
I'm not the one he loves
Or the one he wants
But it does't matter to me
I just want to stop
For him

UnderstandHave you ever felt worthless?
Like no thought that came out of your head was worth while?
Do you understand what it feels like to have lost yourself inside his eyes?
Can you sympathize with just wanting to reach out and touch him.
Not even to speak to him
Just to hold him
The one thing that keeps you sane
The thoughts of his smile spinning through your head
Feeling him hold you
Dreaming of him
But knowing he is so far away from you

Do you understand
How it feels to love someone

That will never love you back

Alright...You make me feel beautiful
Like all my flaws perfect me
Just looking at you makes me smile
Meeting your eyes turns me to nothing
But I'm something
You care about
And even though this affair will be short
I don't care
Because you make everything seem worth it again
You pinch the sun between your forefingers
And pull it back to the sky
You make him turn and run
When you smile I know
I'm done
What I didn't think was possible
Is with you
The perfection of your eyes makes me
Feel something.
That I'm going to be alright.

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More from *malphasloveshisfries

Our Little Chalk DrawingsWhen you left you took everything
The pictures of you on my phone-deleted
Your thoughts in my head-erased
Like a child's chalk drawings on cement
Wiped away in a spray of water
Brand new tear stained canvas

But what happens when that's all that you knew?
When everything on the sidewalk was all you had?

When Our initials drawn
Sketching your eyes and writing the words to our favorite songs was the only thing we had?

Now that it's gone what do I have?
A hazy place in my head
All those beautiful memories lost
Flushed away on the storm...

Maybe we can redraw
Perfect our masterpiece

ContemplationI hate having no one
Being the only one
Everyone has someone
I had you but you left
A gaping hole in my chest
I'm missing you love
I am so scared that I'll do something stupid
In this empty house
Why did you choose this path?
The crooked cement path I'm forced to walk
With my hands tied behind my back and blindfolded by lust
Barefoot you shove me along the broken glass
You don't even care
Just turned around and left me on the trail to die
How is this better for me?
Better for anyone?
There is no escape for me
I can't cut these ropes or slip off this blindfold with out you
Help me
I need your help so much...

sheetsUp late again
Perched on the edge of my bed
Its like I can see you sleeping
Fast asleep, your hair messy like a small child
Instead of being up late wishing you were here
When the light of my lamp wakes you and you you stir
Rise onto your elbows and blink
"Babe, go back to sleep...its four in the morning"
Not tired but I oblige, just so I can
Slide under your arms
Fall asleep in your warm embrace

Not balled up tight
Biting my lip until I taste blood
Shivering on these cold sheets

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Submitted: May 22, 2012
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Sky

by *malphasloveshisfries, May 22, 2012, 5:01:14 PM
Literature / Poetry / Emotional / Free Verse

Your eyes are like a sky
The deepest, richest blue
Cloudless, perfect, a void of escape
Not a sea taht I could drown in
Resting my head on the crook of your neck
Breathing in clean air
Instead of a plague you are a cure
The sweetest antidote
Intoxicating
This is a dream
Its unnatural-the way you make me feel
Is this a fantasy?
Or is it about to become my reality?