malphasloveshisfries

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Doing well. Hiatus seems to be doing wonders for my health. I've been tossing around some poems in my head, and I may upload them in a few days/weeks. I feel compelled to tell you that Hannibal Lecter has captured my heart oh God why.


Love you guys, hope you are doing well!

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Hello, my darlings. I haven't uploaded in a little under a month. And today I'd like to share why.

I've slipped back into old habits. I'm anxious, sad, and angry all the time. Apply the slightest bit of pressure and I snap and lash out. I've lost any sense of identity I once had, and with plans to graduate next year (one year ahead of schedule, just so you know ;D), I feel more lost and hopeless than I can remember. Though I'm desperate to try living on my own and learn to make my own choices, it's also a bitter reminder.

I'm getting older! Slowly, but still!!! Ahhhh!!!!!

I have so many big dreams for the future, so many people I want to meet and places I want to see. I have books I want to write, sketches and movies and short films to make. I want to try out for plays and learn to play guitar. I want to travel and share kisses with strangers and stay out too late on rooftops Wednesday nights. I want to plunge in, make the most of my life. But I can't force myself to do it. Reaching out and trying horrifies me. I don't know whether it's a product of my upbringing, anxiety, the lack of control I have on my life, or the grim realization that I am a decaying organism being raised in a society run by money and patriarchy rather than personal happiness. I feel like I've been in a dream for the last fifteen years, and now I've finally jolted awake. I've lived my entire life being someone else. For the first time, I'm actually seeing the world around me without obstruction. I'm seeing the way the people I say I love treat me, the way I spend my time, and even the way I dress. And I've come to a conclusion.

This is not who I am.

I'm doubting myself, and everything around me. Who are my real friends? Do I really love writing so much? Do I like working with computers or do I want to go back to the health field? Is Iron Man my favorite Marvel hero even though I own only Captain America shirts? Am I pan-sexual, bisexual, or am I a full fledged lesbian? Do I even identify as a woman? Do I even like Classic rock? Do I want to just throw my belongings in a trunk and hit the road, wander the earth until I die?!?!?!??!



The point of all this bitching and existential-identity-crisising is this: I'm taking a break.

I'm still writing down ideas for stories. I'm still creating. But I need to find my style, so to speak...I need to find my identity again. I need to know who I am looking at in the mirror, how I want to be seen by others, and who I want to be seen by before I present myself. You have all been so supportive of me in the past (for which I still cannot thank you enough), back when I had no real reason to be sad or angry. You stuck by my side when I spent seven months complaining over an ex-boyfriend for God's sake. And I hope that now you'll bear with me still, even in this low point in my life.

If you've stuck through this entire miserable rant, just know that I love you. I appreciate every comment or fave or note you send. I'll try to keep you updated every week or so with how I am. The thought of deleting my account is out of the question, so maybe there is still that part of me that still loves to write as much as I think I do.

I hope to see you soon.

-G

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Hey.

You know what would be cool.

To follow me on Twitter.

Thank.

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1. When did you start writing?
I first started storytelling when I was around 5. I didn't really know how to write just yet, so I drew stick figures in paper booklets and tried to sell them to my friends for a quarter. My mom has some of them still. My first writing attempts didn't happen until the summer of second grade-ish though.

2. When you were a beginning writer, what did your write primarily? What do you write now, primarily?  (i.e. romance, fan-fiction, poetry)
Mystery stories! I was obsessed with becoming a detective or a superhero, and I loved defeating bad guys.

3. How often do you write?
I try to journal or jot down a note for a story every day. Poems follow every other day typically.

4. When is your favorite time of the day to write?
Late at night.

5. Do you have a writing muse? If so, who/what?
Not really.

6. What is your most popular lit piece?
Uhmm. Someone Like You has the most views and favorites. Not my best though so I don't know why.

7. What is the piece you are currently writing?
I just uploaded Harder which was what I was working on. So nothing.

8. What is the piece you most recently finished?
Harder.

9. What piece are you most proud of?
I really really like Sugar to be honest. And Dead Girl.

10. What piece are you most disappointed in?
Everything ever from my emo phase. Don't fucking talk about it. >->

11. From all of your stories, who is/are your favorite character(s) and why? (try to limit it to 3)
Uhmm. I haven't done any original prose in a while so. :/

12. What is the best compliment you ever got on your writing?
I don't have a favorite, actually.

13. What is your main goal with writing?
I hope one day to be a published novelist. Maybe.

14. Have you ever been published?
Yes, actually. I had two of my poems published in an anthology during middle school.

15. If tomorrow you learned that you would never be able to formally publish a story, would you still write?
Yeah.

16. If you could get a Daily Deviation on one of your lit pieces, which would it be?
Dead Girl, defiantly.

Now tag 5-10 people to do this meme. But be nice about it.

ZannaCox
SuperGirlSwag
The-Warden-Rose
Shadows-Seductress
theShadowGrove

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APPARENTLY ACCORDING TO WRITERandPOET THERE'S A THING LIKE NANOWRIMO BUT FOR POETRY?? SO I'M GOING TO TRY AND DO THIS. WHICH MAY OR MAY NOT WORK. BUT YOU KNOW #YOLO.

IF YOU AREN'T INTELLIGENT ENOUGH TO UNDERSTAND MY SARCASTIC USE OF YOLO YOU NEED TO ADAM AND LEAVE.


Other News!

-Red equal sign with Destiel icon b/c why not
-Currently taking my HGQE's, which is great because standardize testing helps you embrace who you are as an idividual soul in the world ya know
-Becoming an official adult!!!! I'm taking my permit test so I can have a legal ID card and learn how to drive so I can go on an adventure through out the United States with just me and a backpack of things and escape the hell that is my life go to
college get a good job and raise a family

SO THAT'S IT BY ILU ALL

-G.