Thoughts

I thought of your smile
Of your mouth pressing against me
Barely brushing against my lips
Like the coolest gust of air
You laying on the floor beneath me
My camera capturing your face
Then when I knelt down next to you
And slid a hand through your hair
Tasting your flawless mouth

I thought of ten minutes later that morning
Sitting on the leather bus seats
Deleting your contact from my phone
Knowing that I won't be receiving anymore sweet text messages
Accompanied by your name
Next that pictures gone
Every trace of you ripped away from me
In a blind and senseless rush
I can't even breathe. My head is aching.
But I fake a grin

I thought of what I had to live for
Sitting at my kitchen table
With the clock clicking away
Suns gone down
Its just me and this knife
Crying so hard my hands couldn't stop clawing at my legs
My head pulsing and battling against my flesh
Of the heart wrenching want
To just cut me open
Stain the journal's pages red

I thought about last Thursday
When I looked in your eyes
And I saw the hopelessness
The crushing guilt
The numbing pain
And the dying soul
At the bottom of your heart
You weren't expecting me
So you didn't have time to hide it
But I saw it there

I thought about all of this
So I know
What must be done